Bye Btch
by SlytherPuff123
Summary: Harry's had enough. He will get his revenge on Umbridge. Snape and the Weasley twins help him as they get rid of her, for good! Set in OotP. Crack fic. One-shot. BAMF!Harry, good Snape. A little OOC


**Bye Bitch!**

**Warnings: Swearing**

**May be a little OOC on Harry and Snape's part. Oh well**

* * *

_I must not tell lies. I must not tell lies. I must not tell fucking lies. Yes I get it already._

Harry was in another of Umbridge's detentions for doing nothing wrong, once again. He had been interrogated about the whereabouts of Dumbledore and Sirius, and of course, Umbridge had jumped to the conclusion that he was lying when he had told her he had no idea. This was why he was sitting in her office, holding the blood quill. His hand was bloody and it hurt, but he couldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing his pain. This was also why he wouldn't tell a professor about Umbridge's 'teaching' methods... Not that that would do any good; everyone was powerless against her now.

She deserves to pay for what she's doing, she's ruining Hogwarts. Anyone with any previous authority – except Filch – thinks she's gone too far. He was pretty sure even _Snape_ wants her gone. He needed to do something about this. It has gone on too long.

"I think that's enough for tonight mister Potter. I think only a few more evenings and it would have _sunk in_ fully, don't you think? Maybe then we can be truthful with one another." The toad spoke almost sweetly after what felt like hours. Harry didn't reply, he only packed away his things and left.

Harry was walking back to Gryffindor tower when an idea struck him. It seemed almost perfect, it just seemed a little risky. He had almost reached the Fat Lady's portrait when his steps faltered and his thoughts took over, a small smirk forming on his face. He had made his decision, he thought, examining his bleeding hand. It was time. He was going to make Umbridge pay.

He had explained his plan to a few loyal members of the DA. They had been caught out by Umbridge a while before, but they had used the ingenious coins made by Hermione to meet in secret and get the message across. Harry made sure they were all careful and aware no one would be seen or caught; he didn't want anyone to get into trouble again because of him. He was already feeling hesitant about letting them help him carry out the plan, even though everyone he had spoken to had been all too keen about participating. Even Hermione was making an input, despite being busy drawing up revision timetables for herself, Ron and Harry.

The first part of his plan was simple. It was something he had to do alone, but it was also something he was dreading, especially after the incident involving Snape, a pensive, and a smashed jar of cockroaches...

Harry took a deep breath as the bell rang and students scrambled out of the dingy potions classroom, relieved that they had time off for the Easter holidays. Ron clapped him on the back encouragingly as he and Hermione left the room, closing the door being them. They had tried to reassure him, even though that didn't even know the real reason Snape had cancelled their Occlumency lessons, or why it was so difficult for him to ask for another one. He walked slowly up to Snape's desk and waited for him to notice him before speaking, in case the man hexed him for interrupting. Finally the man placed down his quill and glared at the boy.

"Potter," he snarled. "What it is?"

"Well, uhm..." Harry was beginning to think this was a bad idea. Snape was still furious with him. He took a deep breath; he had to do this. "Sir, I just wanted to apologise, for the other night. I- I would never have looked in the pensive if I had thought it was that personal, and I haven't told anyone anything at all," stammering nervously and wringing his hands, he carried on. "I thought we were starting to be more civil to each other and I feel bad that I ruined it and you hate me more than ever now. I also feel bad about what I saw. I never knew-" Snape held up a hand to stop Harry's rambling.

"That's quite enough." The man seemed to look a little stunned for a second, obviously not expecting the Gryffindor's apology. Onyx eyes bore into Harry's, as if trying to determine the truth behind his words.

"Your little stunt was in no way acceptable..." The boy looked genuinely saddened by this. "However, I thank you for your apology. I too must apologise; it was in no way professional for me to lose my temper in such a way."

"Thank you sir, but I understand why you were so angry." Harry said almost sympathetically. "So...Does this mean we can continue our Occlumency lessons?" He beamed.

"I hadn't thought you'd enjoyed them, Potter. Albus would have lectured me to no end if he had learned I had put an end to them," Snape sighed. "Very well. Return to my office on the Friday before term resumes, at seven. I trust you will have enough work and studying to do over the holidays."

"Thank you sir." Harry smiled and left the room hastily in case Snape changed his mind. He hadn't expected that to go so well, but he was glad it had. He really did feel guilty when Snape was mad at him, especially after seeing how his father and Sirius had treated him in school- No, he wasn't going to dwell on that now. He had a plan to work on.

On the last Friday of the Easter holidays, Harry stood outside the door to Snape's office, looking anxious. He had just lifted his hand to knock when it opened to reveal the black cloaked man himself, expression once again unreadable.

"Ten minutes early Potter. My my, I hadn't thought it possible." He furrowed his brows slightly as he walked inside; he couldn't tell if that was meant to be an insult, or a _joke._ "Take out your wand, we haven't got all night."

Memories flashed before Harry, but instead of trying to push Snape out, he focused on the important ones. Umbridge questioning him. The DA meetings in the Room of Requirement. He and Ron talking late into the night, discussing their plan- No, that was not one he wanted Snape to see yet. He tried again. Getting caught by Umbridge. Dumbledore leaving. The blood quill. Yes that's it. He and his friends trying to comfort a poor second year who had been made to use one; Harry's bleeding hand as he lied to his friends about what had happened; his countless detentions using the quill over and over again as Umbridge looked on delightedly. He just needed to focus on it... To show Snape what she's been doing.

When he opened his eyes again, he had somehow ended up on the floor. Snape looking down at him, his expression unreadable as Harry stood shakily.

"Your hand, Potter. Show me your hand," his voice was calm as he spoke, but he was obviously deep in thought. Harry raised his hand and winced as Snape touched the cut gently, murmuring an apology. "Have you told anyone about this? The Headmaster? Your Head of House?"

Harry shook his head and furrowed his brows before Snape turned his back to him.

"Potter this is a serious matter. Blood quills are _illegal._ And to use one on a student-" He pinched the bridge of his nose lightly, facing Harry again. "You are planning something Potter-" Harry opened his mouth- "Don't lie." His mouth snapped shut. Could he trust Snape enough to tell him the whole truth? Maybe if he just told him small pieces... Maybe Snape could _help? _Alright, here goes nothing._ I hope I'm doing the right thing._

"Yes I am sir..." He explained parts of his plan to him as Snape listened patiently, waiting for Harry to finish. "...Umbridge deserves it. Professor, she's torturing students. I would be fine if it was just me, but _this_-" he displayed his hand to underline his point- "is something she is doing to a lot of students. I just want to get rid of her, even if it means I get into serious trouble for it."

"Both you and I agree that something needs to be done." Snape was behaving a little odd as he paced the room. He had seemed almost _friendly _the whole evening. Maybe he had realised that Harry was not his father, that he had genuinely wanted them to get along. Maybe he liked his plan? "However, she could expel you for what you are planning to do Potter."

Harry's heart sank a little as he stared at his shoes. After explaining everything and showing him what Umbridge had done to him – and what she was still doing – he had hoped Snape would even consider helping him. He just hoped the man wouldn't betray his trust and tell anyone what he was planning. The Slytherin suddenly stopped pacing and whirled to face Harry, a subtle smirk forming on his face.

"Unless..."

* * *

The weekend had gone by in a flash, and Harry was now sitting in Professor McGonagall's office on the first day of the summer term. They had been discussing his career options before Umbridge had repeatedly interrupted McGonagall in a very annoying way. Harry could tell both were losing patience, as their voices got increasingly louder and they talked over each other, but Harry barely took any notice. His focus was on the clock on the far side of the room. 2:58pm. The second ticked by slowly. Harry subtly reached for his bag, and placed his wand down his sleeve for easier access when he needed it. 2:59. The two teachers were still disputing something that more than likely involved Harry. 40 seconds to go. Umbridge's face was darker than her pink bow as she spat insults, and McGonagall's hands shook as she tried to keep her composure. 15 seconds. Harry's eyes darted to the door. 4 seconds. 3. 2. 1-

BOOM!

The toad-like woman jumped up in shock and her eyes widened. Dropping her clip board and quill, she made for the door. McGonagall stood quickly as Umbridge yanked open the door and scurried towards the source of the sound as fast as her pudgy feet could carry her. The transfiguration professor looked to Harry with a strange expression before leaving the room herself. Harry grinned menacingly.

Broken shards of glass crunched under Harry's feet, the notices of the many Educational Decrees destroyed on the ground. Ginny, Neville and Luna had agreed to get rid of as many as they could any way they felt like. Blowing them up seemed as good an idea as any.

He jogged to the where the racket was coming from. He could hear Umbridge shouting from a floor away as he took off his school bag, and reached inside to pull out a few of the Weasley twins products. He also took out the Marauders Map and invisibility cloak, shoved them quickly in his pocket and dumped his bag in a secluded corner at the top of the staircase.

The Weasley twins were the face of the operation. Harry wasn't happy about this, but they had wanted to be known for the havoc they were causing; but, this also meant Umbridge would know, and would be able to punish them for it. Fred and George hardly seemed to mind though. They had currently unleashed a swamp in one of the upstairs corridors, and left many traps around the hallways for the Headmistress and Filch to find.

Hermione and Ron were off causing more damage in secret. Hermione had only agreed after Harry had assured her she wouldn't be caught. He would make sure of that; he didn't want anyone to get into any more trouble because of him.

Before Harry showed his face to Umbridge and could start the next phase of his plan, he pulled out the map, tapping it with his wand and murmuring '_I solemnly swear I am up to no good.' _Umbridge was right where he wanted her. Most of the school were either crowded around the Entrance Hall, or the corridors above it. Fred and George had – thankfully – not been caught yet. He searched for Snape's dot on the map, and was pleased to find it in Umbridge's office. Cursing, he realised Filch's dot was heading straight for there. He hoped Snape could do what he went there to do and leave before anyone got there.

Another loud 'BANG' sounded from the floor below him as he put away his map, took out a shrunken crate the twins had given him to bring, and enlarged it to it's normal size. He levitated the crate so that it followed him as he ran down the marble staircase.

As Harry ran down the stairs, he saw students. teachers and ghosts gathered around two people in the Entrance Hall. The twins had been cornered. George elbowed Fred in the side as he caught sight of Harry. They gave him a small nod as Umbridge continued her rant:

"-absolutely unacceptable! How dare-"

Harry caught a glimpse of his friends in the crowd while he looked around to make sure no one was watching him. Once sure, he carefully placed the crate down, far away from everyone. This caught Peeves attention, but Harry only raised his eyebrows at him and edged closer to the centre or the hall. He was glad no one else had been caught; he just hoped Snape had been as lucky. He took a breath and squared his shoulders before striding towards the Weasley twins. As expected, everyone started at him in silence. Until Umbridge's face reddened even further.

"_You! _I knew you would have something to do with this Potter. I _knew_ it!" she hissed.

"How _thoughtful_ of you to assume I am always involved when there's trouble," he taunted. "I'm flattered, really, but I can't take all the credit." He indicated to the twins as they bowed mockingly and feigned embarrassment and blushes.

"I will have you expelled for this! The three of you!" She waved a pointed finger as she screeched.

Harry shrugged and turned to the twins. "Are we supposed to act like we give a fuck or...?" Faint gasps and giggles were heard around the room. "I mean, we're already in a shit tonne of trouble." The twins nodded.

"It's either go big-"

"-Or go home."

The three laughed as Umbridge's face turned into a look of disgust. She pointed her raised wand at them.

"I hadn't wanted it to resort to this, but it looks like I have no choice." She inched closer to them. "_Cruc-_"

"Dolores! What on earth do you think you are doing!?" McGonagall stepped in front the boys and raised her wand to the Headmistress. The Inquisitorial Squad seemed to have found their feet as they too raised their wands in a flash. A few wands – including Umbridge's – had turned to the Professor, but some were still trained on Harry and the twins.

"Professor," Harry murmured. "Thank you, but we don't want you getting into trouble for us. We've got this." The Transfiguration Professor nodded mutely as she reluctantly lowered her wand and walked stiffly to the edge of the crowd. Harry slipped out his wand unnoticed as Umbridge turned back to him.

"If you know what's good for you, you won't try that again. Understood _Dolores?_" Her eyes widened as she saw Harry raise his wand. He turned quickly to her Inquisitorial Squad.

"_Expelliarmus!_"

The DA had caught on and had joined in in disarming as many as they could, but a few of them – including Fred and George – had been disarmed, and held at wand-point by Malfoy and his crew. Umbridge had been firing spell after spell at Harry, when finally, his wand flew out of his hand, and landed several feet to his left. She strode forward, until there was only two feet between her and Harry and narrowed her eyes dangerously, hair sticking up at odd angles.

"Think that was a smart move now, _do you?_" she fumed.

"Very much so," Harry mused. Waving his hand, he snorted amusedly as the Toad went flying and landed on her arse. Ron ran up and took her wand before she noticed him. With another flick of his hand, the two people held Fred and George were on their knees. The others took this opportunity to stun or disarm the rest of the Inquisitorial Squad.

"Thanks for that mate," Fred grinned as he picked up the wands and handed Harry's back to him.

"Yeah, thanks," George added as he patted down his hair. "Do you reckon it's time to get out of here?" He grinned. Everyone was staring at them once again, waiting to see what they would do next. Harry watched as Filch, who was previously cowering behind students, hurried over to ungracefully help up a dishevelled Umbridge.

"_Accio broom!" _they all called out at once. The three brooms sped down the stairs, chains removed from when Umbridge had enchained them to a wall in her office. The twins caught theirs gracefully, mounted them and hovered a foot or two above the ground.

Harry grabbed his too, but didn't start flying. Instead he cleared his throat. "Peeves!" He bellowed, catching the attention of the Poltergeist who had been ridiculing Umbridge and Filch. "NOW!"

Peeves laughed with glee as he flew over to the crate Harry had brought and pulled out a match. Within seconds, a faint crackling could be heard before-

BANG!

The crate opened up as several fireworks zoomed out. A few students screamed in shock, but a lot made sounds of delight as a the fireworks exploded in bursts of colour. Endless amounts kept appearing, as if they couldn't fizzle out by themselves. More kept coming out from the crate, and the Poltergeist looked positively thrilled by it all. The biggest firework exploded, creating a bright red dragon that flew around the Hall. Umbridge shook with rage as she ducked to avoid the dragon.

"Well, I think this is our cue to leave." Fred mused to his brother.

"Definitely," replied George. "You coming Harry?"

"I think I might." He hoped on his broom as the twins shouted about their new shop in Diagon Alley. Harry was sure they would get a great deal of customers after all of their pranks and product displays.

Whilst avoiding the fireworks and doing a quick lap of the Entrance Hall, he gave a small salute to Peeves and the DA, as if to thank them for their help. He dipped and flew slowly past Umbridge. Harry grinned internally, just what he had expected: Umbridge had grabbed onto the tail of his broom, hoping to stop him. Of course, Harry had no intention of stopping, even as she screeched insults and threats. He flew as high as he could as he sped through the open castle doors, the two twins laughing hysterically behind him. Everyone scrambled excitedly outside, the fireworks following them.

The woman holding onto the end of Harry's broom for dear life screamed continuously. Harry grinned down at her as they neared the Black Lake, which caused her to shriek even louder. He suddenly jerked his broom upwards, then to the left sharply, then down again. This caused Umbridge to lose her grip, as her fingers slipped.

"QUICK! POTTER HELP ME!"

"Yeah...No, I don't think I will," he refused as he watched her fall, a look of anger and fright on her face. "BYE BITCH!" He snickered as she fell, shrieking.

She landed with a 'SPLASH' in the lake, and students and teachers alike could be heard cheering wildly.

After saying their goodbyes and sharing their praise to Harry, Fred and George waved to the crowd before flying off into the sunset, chatting and whooping merrily the whole way.

Everyone ran up to him, clapping and thanking him as Harry landed gracefully on the grass a few metres from the edge of the lake. Even Professors who came to reprimand him were holding back smiles.

Hermione came over to him, hugging him quickly before shifting her weight, a small smile on her flushed face. "Harry that was..."

"Bloody brilliant mate!" Ron filled in for her, chortling. "People will be talking about this for years!"

Coughing and spluttering could be heard as Umbridge dragged herself out of the lake, bits of seaweed in her straggly hair. A few howled with laughter at her, so she attempted to glare at the whole of the school. Harry thought she looked more than a little insane, and that was _before_ she started charging towards him. She couldn't get very far however: she had only managed a few steps when-

_"Petrificus Totalus!" _Three Aurors strode briskly towards the group as the Headmistress fell to the ground with a thud. Snape trailed behind them as Kingsley Shacklebolt spoke the counter-curse to release Umbridge's body bind.

"Dolores Umbridge?" One of the Aurors asked as he unfurled a small bit of parchment with one hand, holding his wand in the other. She nodded and stood taller as she stood, obviously trying to seem important and intimidating, despite being coved in muddy water and seaweed. Harry saw Kingsley murmur something to Snape before he walked over to Harry, Ron and Hermione as Kingsley spoke with McGonagall.

"Thank you," Harry whispered, smiling thankfully up at Snape.

"I trust you will show me your memory of what happened today?" he inquired. Harry chuckled at this and Snape smirked at the trio good-heartedly.

"Definitely" Harry sobered. He had a feeling Sirius and Remus would love to see this too. The three turned back to the Aurors and Umbridge to see what was going on.

"Dolores, you are under arrest for the use of a blood-quill on students and the misuse of authority as High Inquisitor and Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

_"What? No!"_ She struggled as two Aurors bound her, while Ron handed Umbridge's wand over to Kingsley. "You can't do this to me-"

"That," Kingsley started as he smoothed down his robes calmly as she squirmed, "is where your wrong. We have every authority to arrest you. Freeze motherfucker, we-" He gestured to himself and the two binding her- "are the Wizard Cops. Come on boys." He nodded politely to Harry and a few others and then the Aurors strode towards the gates. They could still hear Umbridge's cries or injustice before the 'crack' of apparition echoed around them. Silence rang through the grounds.

"Well..." Neville had both eyebrows raised and a look of mild shock on his face. "That went well." He bust out laughing, and so did everyone else.

* * *

Snape and Harry had continued their Occlumency lessons in school, and Harry now had almost complete control over his dreams and visions. The two were friendly towards one another, and Snape was even acting nicer to Harry and the other Gryffindors in their Potions lessons, which had irked the Slytherins a great deal.

Umbridge had been sentenced to six months in Azkaban after the Wizengamot had found even more evidence against her. Harry had testified against her in her trial. Soon after, Voldemort was spotted in the Ministry by a group of Officials, and Fudge had resigned from his position as Minister after the whole fiasco and public complaints.

Harry was surprised – but very glad – he hadn't been expelled after everything, even if Gryffindor had lost most of their points. Although not many people had seemed that bothered about coming in fourth place for the House Cup.

That summer, Sirius had barely stopped talking about how proud he was of his Godson's scheming. He had watched the memory Harry had placed in the Pensive for him more times than anyone could count, laughing each time. Harry had mostly stayed with Remus and Sirius at Grimmauld place, but had spent a few nights at the Burrow. For the first time ever, he had enjoyed the whole of his summer immensity.

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_**A/N: Hey people! Hoped you liked this check out my other one ~ Drapple Pie ~ and Elara's Merlin story. I am working on a drarry and should have the first chapter up in a week or so. **__**Make sure to leave a like/follow and review! I love reading them. Also, if you got my AVPM (SY) reference...I Love you. Bye loves - Vixen**_


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